i have been benched

by my back.

i am sitting at my computer frustrated and sore today, having finally admitted defeat.

back in the spring, i hurt my back. this is not an unusual occurance for me, having thrown out my back seriously when holly was two. i would have episodes every couple of years and then recover quickly. The summer before we moved, i did it again while weeding the garden for our then for sale house. and, for the first time ever, i did not bounce back quickly or well. i survived the worst of it, pathetically crawling into the office of a massage therapist who finally gave me some relief, and managed to return to an almost normal state and stature.

then last spring, as i mentioned, i did it again. not in one dramatic event…just a little bit at a time until one day my back just gave out. of course, that was the same day that i got an email from dabble asking if i was free to travel to france to photograph.
off to the doctor i ran, medications and suggestions were obtained, and off i went on my grand adventure.

well, my back got worse.
but…

i am busy.
i have a little kid, who can afford to stop?
i have big kids – they have people to see, places to get.
i got another awesome offer from dabble to go to jamaica to photograph.
i started photographing for lux decor.
i went to parties.
i threw parties.
i had a vernissage.
i even shot a baby.

until

i couldn’t.

this week, after one last party, i realized i was done.

i miss not being in pain.
i miss running ( i swear i do )
i miss playing on the floor with alex
i miss being able to walk around the mall without wincing
i miss being able to take a picture and not have to brace myself for the inevitable jarring shot of pain
i miss not being cranky
all. the. time.

so, this week i started to do something about it.
and, surprise, surprise…it is going to take time to fix.
i have messed up my axis pretty badly ( look! physio talk! ), having lovingly and irresponsibly nurtured the injury for a few months too long.

so here i sit, uncomfortably, but hopeful that i will soon be feeling much better.

but until then, can someone spin this feeling of uselessness into something positive? because i am feeling really old right now.

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3 thoughts on “i have been benched

  1. 4D says:

    First, you should really stop shooting babies…that is usually frowned upon and it messes up their diapers.Second, if that was you grumpy and in pain, I never caught wind of it.Third, you take care of yourself so that you can take care of others and do all the things you want to.Fourth, massages by hot muscle-y men work wonders for the mind and body!Feel better soon.Keep smilin!

    Like

  2. Chantal says:

    LOL 4D. Oh definitely take care. You know that if anyone else was in this situation you would tell them to take the time to heal properly. Now you need to heed your own advice. 🙂

    Like

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