narcissism

many of you already know that i completed a 365days self portrait project a few years ago.
and then i completed one for alex.
and then i just did not stop taking daily photos since ( random shot from my last week ) with the exception of 7 days over the last year and a bit.
i cut myself some slack.

but life is crazy these days and i worry that that dedication is going to get lost in the insanity that is our day to day…

i actually left the house twice this week without my camera.
and of course missed it desperately when i realized i did not have it.
in one case, i used my phone to capture *that* shot, that my life memories would be incomplete without ( seriously, that is how i felt ).

*that shot*

in the other, i drove home, grabbed snacks for the baby ( who was sick and still in his pj’s from dropping of miss h at school ) and my camera baby and ran back out to take the photos i *needed*. i missed *the* moment…but came close enough ( damn sudden winter greyness) not to feel a total sense of loss.

almost *the* moment

i wish i knew why it was so important to me not to miss a thing. or why i think that if i do not have it on film ( yes, i know i shoot mostly digital, but i still pretend it is film ), i will not remember it.

that funny saying?
you know…photo or it didn’t happen?
i live that every single minute.
which is silly, i know.
but i can’t change that feeling in my gut if i am camera less.

to the narcissim part of this post.

me, the narcissist

i have several contacts on flickr who are restarting 365 projects.
i know there is a lot of criticism that surrounds these projects, questioning the value of taking photos of your face for a year…but i can not help but love the the level of commitment and creativity that goes along with many of these projects.
i am looking forward to watching these new projects unfold. and i mean you, joel and ali and katie and drew.

which reminded me that i actually miss the demands of the project now and again.

occasionally.

i am not ever going to undertake another personal 365 project.
i really can’t handle that much me any more. and i think the one year got me to the place i needed to be. wherever that was.

and the second year with alex? that is actually my favourite project. ever. even more than fog. really.
because if i thought my first 365 was a place of growth and acceptance…man, did that second year teach me something;).
i would do another 365daily if i thought it could be as fulfilling as babya’s first year journey was.

314/365 – museum of modern art, paris

i think we are heading into a year that is going to be crazy with new adventures and i am rubbing my little hands in anticipation of what awaits us. and that old familiar need to document has been creeping up on me…

i am afraid if i blink, i am going to miss something important. 
so camera baby…get ready….i think you are going to be busy again.

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4 thoughts on “narcissism

  1. Johanne says:

    Funny when I started my 365 (not self portrait but taking one picture a day) I wasn't sure I could make it to the end and now seeing the end is near I'm starting to feel like I'll be missing something. what am I going to do after I'm done??? Doing a picture a day really helped me being creative at time and my love of photography just keep on growing. I want to find a new project to do for the New Year……. but what I'm not too sure yet

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  2. margaret says:

    yesyesyesyesyes. the documenting. I have created a belief that if I don't have my camera, the moment is meant simply to be experienced. I remind myself that the lens between my eye and the moment adds distance (even as it feels so right), so sometimes it's good to just be in the moment. With my friends doing new 365s, I find myself thinking about it again. That daily push and challenge. I won't ever do a personal one again either–for me because the first one meant so much and because I just do not have the time. But maybe something else will bloom. We shall see. xo

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  3. DaniGirl says:

    I loved and hated my 365, but there's no question it was a fantastic experience. I don't think I could do the 365 selfies, but I do wish I'd done a 365 of each of the babies.I toy with the idea every now and then, starting again. I miss my camera a lot these days. Got to find that sweet spot between too much and not enough…

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